I am uncomfortable. Here we are, the true definition of awful hip hop. Soulja Boy's debut album. Unless you count his indepdenently released Unsigned and Still Major: Da Album Before da Album classic that I will have to skip. How did this happen? Hmm? You tell me America, some one needed to pay for this album, in blood. Just for this dicksnot to exist is bad enough, but he fucking went platinum, How!? I don't know how we fell so far into accepting this shitwad's existence but I am a man who doesn't fall back on at least 45% of his promises so i'm here to deliver my review of...Souljaboytellem.com...sigh
Intro
Didn't even hear it. I hear bad intros from good artists, i won't hear one from you.
Crank That (Soulja Boy)
I'm sure you're aware of this, if not...stay away. In fact leave this review right now. Crank That has literally not a single good attribute to it. That's me being kind, it's literally just this kid shouting nonsensical shit that most likely doesn't even rhyme. Pure ass cheese, like you aint changed ya sweatpants in six months ass cheese. Burn it, not on a disc in public with kerosene.
Sidekick
In honesty I don't own this album, didn't pirate, download, or cop it. I'm hearing it on youtube, with incognito windows. I refuse to even have this anywhere near me for an elongated period of time or letting anyone know i heard this. I mention this because the guy im hearing it from had the nerve to put "LYRICS RIGHT HERE!!" in the box as if one dude in history has wanted to hear Soulja Boy lyrics decoded for them. Oh yeah there's a song here! It's basically Crank That but a little more subtle.
Snap & Roll
Aside from Snap & Roll I have no clue if he said anything else, at all.
Bapes feat. Arab
This muthafucka has a sidekick, who knew? and the lyrical abortion's name is ...arab? ...alright. It's also pronounced Ay-Rab...that's a fun fact for you. from my recollection this shitball looks like Bow wow with a lumberjack hat, or i was trippin' out one night and watching BET. Fuck if i remember. If I have to speak about the "song" it's actual more irritating than anything else here. Like Snap & Roll they just shout shit for a while.
Let Me Get Em
Sounds a little different from the past tracks...that's all I got for you.
Donk
I'm above this.
Yahh! feat. Ay-Rab
YAH TRICK YAH! RAHAHAHAGGARAGRGA
If you remember this song, I send you my best regards. I hope you've recovered fully. I'm still in the ER.
Pass it to Arab feat. Styles P! Just playin' it's Arab again
Thank the trap lawd, we got one more track with Arab. I guess it's fittin' that a dude with the rhyming complexity of a lobotomized alcoholic would have a dude that sounds like a train wreck as his rapping partner, but fuckin' really...did this dude need anymore air time? Ya'll like the EPMD of mentally damaged muthafuckas, no one can hear this shit and like it! If they said they do, they fuckin' lying. If not, just...just execute. I ain't expecting a Jaz-O and Jay-Z type a partnership but god damn you fuckas suck.
Soulja Girl feat. i15
Holy shit...i forgot this was real. I thought this was a bad dream i had one night. I dont know who the fuck "i15" is or why his rap name sounds like a ticket in a deli but this somehow produced the best song here. Not saying much but it doesn't feel like a verbal trainwreck like the rest of the album. Still ass crack doe.
Booty Meat
Report Card feat. Arab
Oh boy, my favorite duo's back! This actually popped up after "Yahh Dogshit Yah!" in the music video (i actually recall this) and it went for like 45 seconds of Soulja Boy yelling about his teacher not giving him a D on his report card. Sorry Soulja Boy, but i will not be throwing you any D's either, except maybe an HIV infected dick. There's no joke in that, I just don't feel any remorse towards you anymore. Seeing that even as a person you've proven to be an asshole among assholes.
She Thirsty
No girl over 13 could genuinely like you Soulja Boy, for your personality or your looks. I've seen what you look like!
Does that look like the face of a heart breaker to you America?
Don't Get Mad
I don't think you realize that's not possible at this point.
The Highlights:
Really nothing at all, this is devoid of anything tolerable but Soulja Girl isn't as mind numbing.
Lowlights:
Crank That
Booty Meat...
Any shit with Arab
Report Card
that's just the most painful personally
The Gem:
Fuck You
Is it Really the Worst Album of All Time?
I've yet to see worse. i doubt you have either.
Overall Grade: F Minus, Muthafucka!
Did anyone not concur with Ice-T when he told Soulja Boy to eat a dick? Really? It's one thing if his music is bad, but Soulja Boy has proven he's the essential asshole. From fake ass gun arrests to tweeting out pics of drugs to TMZ for fame and over flaunting of dumbass jewelry setting Hip Hop, Blacks, and the Human Race back at least 600 fuckin' years. I can't say it's One Love...but the overlooked muthafuckas shit is coming so...One Love...I suppose.
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